Episode 136

full
Published on:

7th Aug 2024

Crusade 5 - Yum Yucked (Featuring Ben from Last Time On)

Join Laura and Xhafer, two internet strangers as they get to know each other while making jokes about one of their favorite TV shows from their childhood, Babylon 5.

Ben returns from the high seas just in time for a very special episode of Crusade. The HR nightmare on the Excalibur continues as the crew learns about the appropriate use of work computers in Crusade: Episode 11 - The Needs of Earth.

Transcript
Ben:

Hello and welcome to Who Are You?

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This is a podcast where three internet

strangers, now friends, review Crusade?

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Xhafer: I'm Jafar

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Laura: I'm Laura.

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Ben: And I am Ben.

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Laura: I'm so used to Ben being second.

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I forgot to do the thing.

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Xhafer: I, I'm literally coming from

a last time on recording session right

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before this and it was so awkward to

do the intro and just like, wait a

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second for Ben to not say his name.

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Ben: Because I wasn't there.

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Laura: Yeah.

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RSVP Ben.

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Xhafer: But yeah, Crusade.

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We're here to talk about needs of earth.

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But before we do that.

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Ben, we do have a question for you.

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Ben: Yes, you do.

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Xhafer: Where are you going?

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Ben: I'm going to tell you guys right now.

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It is really, really hard for

me, being who I am, to not start

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singing by my side from Godspell.

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Where

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Laura: you should just do that.

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Ben: Where are you going?

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Won't you take me with you for?

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My hand is called and needs warmth.

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Where are you

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Xhafer: no, no, that's, we're,

Ben, Ben, you got the point across.

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Ben: I, I'm gonna sing the whole song.

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J Fair

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Xhafer: And we'll put

it after the credits.

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Ben: Commitment to the bit?

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No.

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So, I, I wish uh, you guys had had me on.

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for the long road,

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because I would have had a

much more interesting answer.

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Xhafer: Well, give us that answer,

because you're coming to STLV with us.

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In the episodes that haven't aired

that you haven't been able to listen

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to, we've been talking about it.

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Everyone's sick of us talking about it.

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So, instead of telling us where

you're going, why don't you tell

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us where you just came from?

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Ben: So, I was fortunate.

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My parents, my dad especially, has dreamed

of going on a family trip to Ireland.

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And so, my wife, my son, my father,

and my mother, we all went on a 12

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day cruise around the British Isles.

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which was a lot of fun.

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Uh, Yeah, one stop in France.

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We didn't actually get off the

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Laura: don't think the British

want to acknowledge that though,

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Xhafer: Heheheheh.

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Laura: Nice.

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Ben: Sorry, which king do we start

the, the lineage of English kings from?

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William?

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William the Conqueror?

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What did he conquer?

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Where did he come from?

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France.

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Xhafer: Heheheheh.

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Ben: What, what people ruled England?

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The Anglo Saxons, of course.

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The Angles?

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The Saxons?

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Who did they conquer?

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And where did they come from?

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France and Denmark.

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Laura: Yeah, yeah.

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So it was really self

loathing the whole time.

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Ben: it's the uh, I always forget this

term, the narcissism of small differences.

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Xhafer: Mm.

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Ben: Yes uh, but didn't actually

get off the boat in France because,

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and I didn't know it at the time,

I was coming down with something.

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And that was COVID.

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Caught COVID on the cruise ship.

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That is not surprising for all of the

coughing and people in their 60s who

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never learned how to vampire cough.

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Just walking around

coughing on everything.

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I've

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Laura: heard it called vampire cough,

but Ben's like illustration of coughing

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into his elbow, like he is a vampire

pulling a cape uh, really sold it for me.

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So if you didn't know

that term, now you do.

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Ben: hide my germs in

the crook of my elbow.

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Yeah, so, uh, got to go to Ireland,

got to go to Scotland, my wife and

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I may have already done a lot of

looking into what it takes to emigrate

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Xhafer: Yeah, and he's not the

only one, so, we'll see, we'll see,

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I don't know, the, the, Europe's

looking pretty nice right about now.

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Ben: I'm, I'm not gonna lie,

I'm feeling pretty good all

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things considered today but,

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uh, that's just me anywho, yeah,

so we just did that big, uh, trip,

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You know, some people love cruises.

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my problem is they're kind of like

an undersized sampler platter.

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Like when you get the appetizer

plate and it's got one onion ring

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and you're like, this isn't enough.

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I know I didn't want a whole bowl

of onion rings or a basket of onion

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rings, but I wanted at least three.

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You gave me one and one buffalo wing

and one mozzarella stick because you

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are in each city for just a few hours.

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And so, like, we were in Edinburgh,

had tickets to go see Edinburgh

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Castle, which is gorgeous.

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It's amazing.

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It is up on this beautiful hill.

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My wife was sick with COVID

and could not make the way up.

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Uh, We didn't know it at the time.

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And my son was, you know, he's five.

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And so he's like, my little legs are

tired and I don't want to go up there.

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And I'm like, I've got about

four hours left in Edinburgh.

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I want to get up to the top of this

hill, and so I pick my 75 pound son up,

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put him on my shoulders, and I empower

walking up to this castle, which is up.

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It is up on a bluff, on a cliff

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Xhafer: On Royal Mile,

which is aptly named.

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Ben: Uh, And so, I was I was tired,

but uh, it's the sort of thing

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where it's like, you can't just

say, I'll check it out tomorrow.

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Um, and so, I got to go to a lot of

really, really cool places, but I also,

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like, didn't get to, like, do what I like

to do, which is, like, you know, taking an

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ice core of, of each place I go to, where

I'm like, I'm drilling as deep as this

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will go, and I'm going to, like, fifth

and sixth museum in this place, because

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that's where you get the weird stuff where

it's just like, and here's some funny

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story about some doctor from 19 oh, six.

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And I'm like, awesome.

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Tell me about the guy who invented

the, you know, how to Lance a

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boil or whatever it is, you know,

uh, let me, let me dig in deep.

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Xhafer: You gotta learn where the spittin

stone is so that you can spit on it.

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Ben: Uh, While we were in Orkney We

were supposed to go, there is a thing

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called the Ring of Brogdar, which is

sort of like, uh, Stonehenge, it's

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5, 000 years old, standing stones.

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Our tour got cancelled so

we weren't able to do that.

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And so we just ended up

wandering around the city.

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This this town in, in

on the Orkney Islands.

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And I had, you know, a

ton of fun doing that.

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Oh, hey, I got to, you know, visit

some old destroyed palaces, one of

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which belonged to Patrick Stewart.

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Not that Patrick Stewart.

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Um, And got to find just

by going through St.

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Magnus Cathedral, I find the gravestone of

the guy who found the Franklin Expedition.

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You know, which is cool for me as somebody

who, like, loves Northwest Passage stuff.

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Which I wouldn't have seen if

I just went on the, the tour.

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And so, I like going to a

place and like, digging deep.

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Hey, what's, you know, what am I

going to find on my fifth day in town?

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That said, it was still really

cool that I got to see, ten

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different really cool places.

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Xhafer: Can you guys hear that?

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Laura: What are you hearing, Ja'far?

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Xhafer: In the background?

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Can you hear the TV in the background?

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Ben: Why uh, Beth watching Smut?

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Xhafer: Uh, no, that's,

that's us actually.

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Laura: You're still trying

for that segue, aren't

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Ben: doing my best.

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You guys sent me the episode that

starts with Lumberg watching porn.

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Xhafer: I, I had not, I never

saw this episode before,

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Ben.

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It was the one that had the

space when you were back.

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So it's the one that you got.

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Ben: Mmhmm.

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Mmhmm.

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Xhafer: but it, but it is random.

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Random happenstance, I promise.

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Laura: Tell us which episode this

is, Ja'far, before we get too far.

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Xhafer: that we happen to be watching

uh, Crusade, uh, The Needs of Earth.

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Laura: So I watch this

with closed captions, guys.

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I think I've mentioned that before,

you know, cause I have auditory

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processing difficulties sometimes.

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And the closed captions, when you boot

up this episode, immediately start

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with the words, cheesy music plays and

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boy.

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Ben: I have some comments about

the music in this episode.

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I don't know, it's, it's interesting.

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Xhafer: I have a bit that requires

me to apologize to Aaron now because

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of the music in this episode.

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Laura: Oh no.

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Usually you apologize at the end.

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Xhafer: but don't worry, we'll get there.

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Um, yeah, so it's just cheesy

music playing as Captain Gideon

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is totally just watching porn

at work, just casually, as Dr.

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Chamber walks in as summoned.

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Where

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the fuck is Excalibur's HR department?

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Laura: she has a surprisingly chill

reaction to being summoned to her boss's

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office while he's in uniform sippin

from his Stanley and watching porn.

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Xhafer: On the big screen!

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Ben: Yep.

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Laura: Wow.

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Xhafer: on his phone!

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Ben: Yep.

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And then he reveals, Hey,

don't worry, it's not my porn.

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And, for me, that feels worse.

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Like,

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Xhafer: This is your other

co worker's pornography I'm

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forcing you to watch right now.

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Ben: It's okay, we don't like him.

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And

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Laura: yeah.

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There's nothing hostile work

environment going on on the Excalibur at

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Xhafer: you imagine this happening to you?

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Can you imagine your boss summoning you

to their office to find them watching

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pornography and they say, don't worry,

it's this person that I know you hates?

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Laura: Yeah, nope.

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Can't imagine this.

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Ben: Jaffer, I've got a question for you.

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As somebody who's done a lot of

uh, Uh, sailing the high seas

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Have you ever handed somebody

the wrong flash drive?

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Xhafer: No.

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Ben: Okay.

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So, Well,

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Xhafer: fuck up mistake.

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Why would you commit that?

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I mean, one, you'd never hand someone

a flash drive if you don't know for

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absolutely certain what's on it.

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Laura: mm hmm.

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Xhafer: Two, those are not the kinds

of materials you would store, why

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would you keep that on a flash drive?

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Why would you keep that on a flash drive?

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Knowing that it is mobile storage medium.

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Ben: you're on a spaceship, so Your

only Your only computer is your

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Laura: No.

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Yeah,

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Ben: If you've never made this

mistake having, like, Supplied

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illegally downloaded BBC

shows for people for 20 years.

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Xhafer: I deny that comment.

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Ben: How like this, this

is just a rookie mistake.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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Laura: So, not only does he watch porn

on, you know, on his work devices,

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our colleague Eilerson, he's also

watching the really weird stuff.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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Uh, Snow White and the Seven Narn?

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That's a choice.

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Laura: It was the

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pockmaraw

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that really did it for me.

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Ben: Yeah.

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Which Chambers is just Like,

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you can't do this.

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They're not, you're not compatible.

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Oh god, the tentacles!

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Laura: no, we're not here

to yuck anybody's yums,

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Ben: Oh, no, I'm okay with it.

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At work.

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Yum yucked.

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Xhafer: Oh god, what the

actual fuck, Crusade?

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Like, I know that this is all a,

Oh, this is the recorded VHS tape

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and you left something on there you

shouldn't have because you recorded

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something else on top of it gag, right?

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This, this has not made sense for

storage mediums in a long time.

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And even then, how is

a crystal rewritable?

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I would think a crystal would be right

one time only kind of storage medium.

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Laura: Yeah, I know

you're getting nitpicky.

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Xhafer: That's fair.

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Laura: Oh man, yeah,

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Ben: this just feels like JMS is just

telling the writers room, This one

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time Harlan Ellison sent me a VHS tape.

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Laura: Oh, good point.

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Is this a dig at somebody on purpose?

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I want it

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Ben: this just he's telling a story

not realizing, No, this is horrifying.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Xhafer: Either or.

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Laura: I wrote down that I really

hope this is the whole bee story,

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and it was not the whole bee story,

but it did come up more, which

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Ben: It was at least the sea

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Laura: that.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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I think it's safe to

call it the D story, Ben.

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Laura: Ah, yeah.

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Yep.

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Xhafer: the, the D story.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Yeah,

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We

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Xhafer: Anyways.

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Yep.

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Okay.

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They meet up with the Mimbari captain.

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And, did you see the

M'Bari captain's ship?

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Am I crazy or was this another

destroyer of the same class?

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Laura: Oh, Aaron had this

moment too, and we rewound it.

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Or, you know, whatever you do

these days, you don't rewind.

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But yeah, we scrubbed back, and It was

just some weird, bad edit, Aaron said.

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Because it looks like there's actually a

white star that they come from, I think.

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Yeah, but there was a weird,

bad edit where Aaron went,

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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I was like, what the fuck?

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Laura: Nope, I know exactly

what you're talking about.

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Xhafer: M'Bari captain has some

information that will help Earth.

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But it's gonna involve breaking

a bunch of laws and the rangers

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just can't do that shit.

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And Gideon's like, he's like, are you,

are you willing to cross this line?

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And he's like, I just watched a

Pac Man or a fuck a human woman.

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Like there is no line I won't cross.

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Laura: I compared him to Stringfellow

Hawk again at this point, because

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he says, I've been alone before.

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And he's just really hitting

those, those buttons hard.

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Ben: Are you willing to cross this line?

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That is all my Earth Force

HR folder says about me.

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Xhafer: You know, I'm down

for anything to theme.

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Yeah.

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Ben: but yeah, this is very much uh,

if you are caught or captured, the

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secretary will disavow all knowledge.

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This tape will self

destruct in three seconds.

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Xhafer: After theme, Max tries to get

his porn back, but Gideon keeps his

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tax documents folder in his pocket.

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Ben: Conspicuously in

his hand the whole time.

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Laura: oh my god, I

didn't catch that part.

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That's hilarious.

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Yeah, Eylerson has a whole story

about, oh, you know, I think it's

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gotten corrupted and I'd hate to

corrupt your whole system, so, give

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me that one back and I'll just rewrite

my shit on a different crystal.

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Xhafer: Just give me

that one back, please.

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Please.

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Please.

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Please.

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Please.

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Please.

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It's so important.

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It's so important you

gave me that crystal back.

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He's like, nah, we'll talk about it

after your monthly performance review.

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Laura: You know what would have

bumped us up to C Story is if there

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had been a reckoning at the end where

we bring it back up one more time.

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I just needed it one more time.

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We kind of drop it in the

middle and forget about it.

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It's just so disappointing.

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Yeah.

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No, we need Eilerson coming and

asking for it back again or something.

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You know, like we need, we

need it to come back up.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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We learned that the Mimbari captain

the information he gave over was a

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Maradi is on the run with hundreds

of years of highly compressed data on

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a handful of crystals that for some

reason might aid in their search.

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Laura: Mmm,

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Ben: this did, like, this is where

I started to lose this episode.

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Xhafer: It's, it's real

thin, real thin premise.

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Laura: yeah.

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Ben: yeah.

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Xhafer: Max is all like,

this isn't worth it.

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Doreen is all like, you're a coward.

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But none of this matters

because the captain says so.

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Laura: Yeah, I like how Eilerson tries

to say, we don't need to do this,

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and Gideon's like, did you

think this ship was a democracy?

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Like, why do I care what you think?

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Ben: So, having only been able to hear the

first two episodes of your guys coverage

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and now jumping in, who is Eilerson?

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Laura: Oh, he's the worst.

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That's who Eilerson is.

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Xhafer: He was in the pilot, he

was the archaeologist in the pilot.

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Um, you have not missed a ton of

character development for him.

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He had some, but it doesn't feel

like it was particularly remembered.

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Um, yeah.

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Laura: not developed.

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He's just a big jerk.

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In one of the episodes we just

discussed, like, he makes a stupid

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decision in leadership of his team

that gets people killed, and it just

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doesn't seem to be acknowledged at all.

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Xhafer: Yeah.

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He's just kind of like

there to be a douchebag.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Oh, and he insulted Darina by talking

about her profession as the second

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oldest profession comparing her to only

the other, you know, female dominated

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oldest profession that is often looked

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down upon.

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Xhafer: He's farming, yeah.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Xhafer: it, Ben.

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Everyone looks down on farmers.

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So, the Excalibur arrives at

Praxis just as it explodes.

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Matheson briefs Gideon on

how to break into this dome.

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Dorino volunteers, and he fights us

for like 30 seconds before realizing

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that's the entire reason she's there.

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It's like, oh yeah, maybe he should come.

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That would make sense.

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They get into some Eva suits.

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They get dropped off outside of

a big dome to avoid detection.

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Darina Darina lets Gideon know

it's dangerous as they go anyways.

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Uh, And she hints at

something in her past before.

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I wonder if that will come up later.

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Ben: and this, this whole

chunk really bugged me.

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Because it is a four minute chunk

of the episode, one with no music.

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There is no music in this, this

section of the, of the episode.

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And two, they just land in a fog

machine and talk about how, okay,

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we're six miles away from the city.

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Oh, this is as close as we got

last time before everyone died.

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And then, okay, well, we're almost there.

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So let's just sit down and rest.

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Actually, I don't feel like resting.

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Now we're at the door and it was

just like, If this was any other

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sci fi, like, we would have gotten,

like, trudging you know, like,

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Laura: Montage.

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Ben: montages of movement you know,

uh, Wesley noticing that the, the crazy

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freighter captain is drinking booze

uh, as they wander through the desert

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Xhafer: Michelle Yeoh saying,

Oh, these are our footprints.

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We'd walked in a circle.

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And then you, the space out.

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It's, oh, it wasn't

quite a circle, was it?

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Ben: no, uh, and uh, Then they

get there, and the difficulty

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getting in takes about 30 seconds.

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And so it just becomes this whole, like,

why did we waste these four minutes?

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Laura: Yeah.

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Ben: get a real Any, any danger

from the previous two scenes.

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We got some cryptic Darina stuff.

400

:

But you could have gotten that as like,

they walked through a bazaar and she was

401

:

just like, Oh, I haven't been here since.

402

:

Since what?

403

:

I don't want to talk about it.

404

:

Well then why did you

say half of a sentence?

405

:

Ha

406

:

Laura: I have two beefs with this

scene that you haven't mentioned yet.

407

:

And my first beef with this scene that

you haven't mentioned is we talk on

408

:

the shuttle About we need to bring a

third EVA suit, and it doesn't look

409

:

like either of them is carrying anything

big enough to have an EVA suit in it.

410

:

Xhafer: Correct.

411

:

Laura: Beef number two is, you know,

there's a whole dramatic thing about

412

:

she's gotta take the gloves off to hit

the keypad because she's fat fingering

413

:

the combo and it's gonna lock her out.

414

:

Oh, Ja'far probably has a

password security rant about that.

415

:

Uh,

416

:

Ben: ha.

417

:

Laura: and uh, She takes off

her gloves and that compromises

418

:

the integrity of the whole suit.

419

:

And I'm like, that seems like

a design flaw in this day and

420

:

age.

421

:

Xhafer: Okay, so Correct.

422

:

I actually had a rant about that.

423

:

Because you can see that the

suit is sealed at her wrists

424

:

when they take those gloves off.

425

:

So her hands would have hypothetically

been exposed the entire time.

426

:

There's a little hiss noise,

I guess, for some reason.

427

:

But it's just like The suit is sealed

at the wrist, so it doesn't matter.

428

:

Your hands are exposed, which

isn't great, probably, but you

429

:

wouldn't be able to

430

:

Ben: you're

431

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

432

:

Laura: Or corrosive, something

corrosive in the atmosphere could

433

:

be bad, but still,

434

:

like, it shouldn't get in the whole

435

:

damn suit.

436

:

Xhafer: right?

437

:

Especially so quickly.

438

:

Laura: Uh Huh.

439

:

Xhafer: Given you're only exposed to

this much air, or whatever, right?

440

:

And also, why does she need

to take them both off to use

441

:

one hand to press the keypad?

442

:

Ben: Because she is using

two hands as she just

443

:

Xhafer: She's pressing

enter with the other one.

444

:

It's literally just the one button

she presses with her left hand.

445

:

Yeah, but I think, I think we've

covered all the problems with that

446

:

Laura: Yeah, Yeah, Well, we

didn't talk about the passwords.

447

:

I think that she said that they were

like the password she knew from the

448

:

last time she was there or something.

449

:

And I

450

:

Xhafer: When she was nine, we find out,

451

:

the passwords from 20 to 30

years ago haven't been changed.

452

:

That actually seems accurate.

453

:

If you don't make people change

them, they won't for that long.

454

:

Laura: That's fucking true.

455

:

Ben: you, most, uh,

456

:

retail stores you go into, the

password is the store number.

457

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

458

:

Or, or admin.

459

:

Laura: 5.

460

:

, Xhafer: So, uh, Gideon needs to

make a distraction here as we

461

:

find out we're in a slave market.

462

:

Laura: Yeah.

463

:

Xhafer: And, uh, he decides to

pick a fight with a Rhino kin.

464

:

I don't know what these people are called,

but he looked like a Rhino nausican.

465

:

So, I'm going

466

:

with Rhino

467

:

Laura: Yeah.

468

:

Ben: He looks like he's about

to pick a fight with Spider Man.

469

:

Xhafer: yeah, for sure.

470

:

Gideon starts his fight so Doreena

can do what she needs to do.

471

:

And Doreena finds the, like,

thieves can't secret passage thing.

472

:

And someone notices

her finding that thing.

473

:

Who looks super familiar to me, but

I couldn't find him in the credits.

474

:

Ben: Well, because he has no

lines, he's just a cowboy thief,

475

:

as Gideon is getting first

thrown through a table, and then

476

:

Kurt angled through a window.

477

:

Laura: this was so confusing because

the way she's like having looks

478

:

with Cowboy Thief, we thought at

first that he was like the slave

479

:

trader who sold her or something.

480

:

Ben: That was the vibe I got as well.

481

:

Laura: Yeah, and then I think maybe she

was actually like standing by the thieves

482

:

guild symbol or something and that kind

of summoned him or maybe she she did

483

:

this symbol herself like she was trying

to get him his assistants, but it was so

484

:

unclear what was happening we thought that

this guy was about to get his ass beat.

485

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

486

:

When he shows up, they're like, As

thieves, we're trained to look where

487

:

the other people aren't looking.

488

:

And so when the fight broke out,

he saw me doing other stuff because

489

:

he knew it was a distraction.

490

:

It's all like Maybe he was

just looking around the room.

491

:

Laura: Yeah.

492

:

Ben: He saw a girl by Glowy Circle.

493

:

That's weird.

494

:

Xhafer: Yeah, but nope, it means

he's a member of the Thieves Guild.

495

:

Laura: Yeah.

496

:

Okay.

497

:

Xhafer: so he helps them out and then

never says anything and just vanishes.

498

:

Laura: Yeah.

499

:

Xhafer: So important to the plot, guys.

500

:

Laura: And I'm not sure, so we're in

the like, thieves guild secret hallway

501

:

it seems like, and we come upon this

table of guys playing poker and we

502

:

need to just get them out of the way.

503

:

Are they the guards or something?

504

:

I'm,

505

:

Ben: I guess these are the

bounty hunters, but why do the

506

:

bounty hunters also have slaves?

507

:

Laura: Oh, well, you

gotta have a side gig.

508

:

Everybody needs a hustle.

509

:

Ben: Ah, no.

510

:

Hustle culture makes it to 22 whatever.

511

:

Laura: Yeah, I mean, remember that Babylon

5 had, like, not the utopia of Star Trek.

512

:

So, a lot of bad shit made it through.

513

:

Ben: Yeah.

514

:

Xhafer: and Darina needs

another distraction here so

515

:

they can go grab Nub Nub.

516

:

Laura: Here it comes.

517

:

Xhafer: Yep, so they put Max's

porn stash on the TV in the other

518

:

room, and it immediately pulls

all the bounty hunters away.

519

:

That uh, that Pac Maras milkshake

really brought all the boys to the yard.

520

:

Laura: I just, I, I don't

know why we would do this.

521

:

I don't know why we would

all get up to go see.

522

:

And it's like porn on four TVs.

523

:

It's not just

524

:

Xhafer: Right?

525

:

Well, all the screens in

this show are like 8 inch TVs

526

:

because of the production value.

527

:

So they really just gotta all get

up there to see what's going on.

528

:

Laura: That's true.

529

:

Yeah,

530

:

we can't see from this far

531

:

Xhafer: Fidelity.

532

:

Yeah, it's not great.

533

:

This is not HDTV over here.

534

:

Gideon grabs Nathak as Doreena

Frees, a bunch of the slaves.

535

:

We haven't gotten a good look at him

yet, but this is Tony and Mandala.

536

:

That's fun.

537

:

Laura: Oh.

538

:

Xhafer: Oh, he's in all kinds of stuff.

539

:

He's in the Star Wars games.

540

:

He's the Jedi Master who

leaves the messages behind.

541

:

Ben: Oh, he's uh, yeah.

542

:

Um, He's under a lot of makeup.

543

:

Xhafer: Yes.

544

:

Well, the voice is very distinct.

545

:

Ben: but he is all messed up, and

clutching his data crystals to his chest,

546

:

which, it's weird, they let him keep.

547

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

548

:

Laura: good point.

549

:

He was captured by bounty hunters.

550

:

Xhafer: Mm

551

:

Laura: Do they even really need him?

552

:

Like, keep the crystals.

553

:

Ben: this is, this is the second point of

incredulity I have with this whole setup.

554

:

We've got this actually kinda neat sci

fi setup where we have this planet,

555

:

four domed cities, biggest one is

the uh, capital with the spaceport,

556

:

only place you can land a spaceship.

557

:

Well then how do you get

to the other three cities?

558

:

Uh, But then we have, okay, we're

trying to escape, we've got this

559

:

beat up guy, send down the shuttle,

oh no, the Maraudee have jumped in.

560

:

And then No escape.

561

:

We don't see them getting picked up.

562

:

They're just landing back on Excalibur.

563

:

Laura: Yes, there's no

like exciting chase scene.

564

:

Ben: Yeah, we could have had an exciting

565

:

Xhafer: and it's six miles they

carried this dude through dangerous

566

:

desert that killed everyone last time.

567

:

Ben: Well, you don't even

have to go through the desert.

568

:

It could be we're running through the

bazaar and through this bar again.

569

:

And this time the guards chasing

us bump into the Rhinocican.

570

:

And he turns around and

starts fighting the guards.

571

:

And Gideon's like, ha ha,

they're getting messed up.

572

:

I know how that feels.

573

:

Ooh, still forgot a bruise.

574

:

you could have had some bits

here and reused the same set.

575

:

And, oh, when we open the door and

run outside, they don't have the

576

:

EVA suits and they can't follow us.

577

:

Uh, and that's how we got away.

578

:

You don't even have to

go back outside again.

579

:

Laura: Mm.

580

:

Yeah.

581

:

There was a lot of missed

opportunity for bits.

582

:

A lot of missed bits.

583

:

Ben: And for an episode that

feels so padded out, you

584

:

could have done some stuff.

585

:

You already had the four goons.

586

:

You

587

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

588

:

Ben: set.

589

:

Laura: Mm

590

:

Ben: I'm I'm meeting

you at your level, TNT.

591

:

I'm not saying like, alright, and then

we have 40 extras in a laser fight!

592

:

Laura: Although,

593

:

Xhafer: the pieces are

there of this puzzle.

594

:

Exactly.

595

:

Laura: So the attempt at exciting

chase is actually like, the Excalibur's

596

:

gonna go jump away and then they're

gonna get followed into hyperspace.

597

:

Yeah.

598

:

Xhafer: you're driving a Ducati though,

because they catch up in no time.

599

:

Laura: Yeah.

600

:

It's good, I like that.

601

:

Ben: this is, that was some good

wordplay, But this also is my

602

:

biggest problem with Babylon 5.

603

:

Is their complete, like,

the Maradi are nobody.

604

:

Laura: yeah,

605

:

Ben: even, like, they are not even

on the level of, like, the game or,

606

:

you know, the the Dilgar, they, they

are, we're not even on par to be in

607

:

the League of Non Aligned Planets,

608

:

Laura: Yeah, sure.

609

:

Ben: which maybe they're not because

they're these racist a holes,

610

:

but even then, If they're these

racist a holes, they're not as

611

:

big as, you know, the Mimbari, or

the Centauri, or the anybody else.

612

:

And the Excalibur should be

the biggest, baddest ship.

613

:

Okay,

614

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

615

:

Ben: the Drakkar are difficult because,

like, they're all shadow souped up.

616

:

But this should be like,

617

:

Laura: Mm

618

:

Ben: Hey, you're bringing your, you

know,:

619

:

I've got, you know, an aircraft carrier.

620

:

I understand, like, they bring a lot of

guys, but it's like, it doesn't matter.

621

:

Um, I can blow you up

from over the horizon.

622

:

Xhafer: The only thing that really

makes sense to me is that they

623

:

are technologically advanced.

624

:

They might be on par with a Mimbari.

625

:

And they're just so far fucking out.

626

:

that they have not interacted with anyone.

627

:

Like, it's not that they couldn't

qualify for a League of Non Aligned

628

:

Worlds, or even a council seat.

629

:

It's that they're in a different

part of the fucking galaxy, and the

630

:

Excalibur has just gone that far out.

631

:

Ben: which I could accept, if they had

done, like, Star Trek does and Hey, all

632

:

of this is happening in the alpha quadrant

and kind of into the beta quadrant and now

633

:

we're getting into other places but like

when we see back in Babylon 5 when Mr.

634

:

Morden is talking to Londo

about all right, and we're

635

:

gonna let The Centauri win.

636

:

We just want this chunk

of the galaxy here.

637

:

They're showing like hey

We know the whole galaxy

638

:

Laura: hmm.

639

:

Ben: We just want this,

like, middle third of it.

640

:

And that, you know, it is, it

is in a few instances shown that

641

:

enough of the galaxy is in play.

642

:

That there shouldn't be a

Big, you know, out there, Hey,

643

:

you haven't met the Borg yet.

644

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

645

:

Okay.

646

:

Fair enough.

647

:

Also, just because the shadows have that

big map doesn't mean that Everyone else

648

:

has that big map or can travel that far.

649

:

They are the shadows, but

also you're not wrong.

650

:

And I'm making excuses for a TV show that

I shouldn't have to make excuses for.

651

:

Laura: yeah.

652

:

The, the only thing they throw in

there that maybe could work, That

653

:

maybe could help is like, we can see

this race is very isolationist because

654

:

they've burned all their books and

they're just a bunch of big fascists.

655

:

So maybe they're purposefully trying

not to be noticed as very advanced.

656

:

Xhafer: regardless,

657

:

the Mirati have arrived.

658

:

They chase them down.

659

:

They uh, send over a bunch of ships.

660

:

They fire a warning shot.

661

:

They make an overture for diplomacy.

662

:

At this point we see a couple of things.

663

:

We see Natchok grasping the data

crystals, saying they will be

664

:

given freely to the right person.

665

:

and then the Maradi send over their envoy.

666

:

And the captain of the other ship

and his translator come on board.

667

:

They don't speak English

because English is dumb and the

668

:

people who speak it are dumb.

669

:

Um.

670

:

Laura: Yeah.

671

:

Xhafer: Which I really wish I

had a good argument against, but

672

:

Laura: Mm.

673

:

Heh

674

:

Xhafer: I don't feel

great about it these days.

675

:

Ben: Are you calling Dolly Parton dumb?

676

:

Xhafer: So, no.

677

:

Dolly Parton is always the exception.

678

:

One.

679

:

Laura: Hm.

680

:

Hm.

681

:

Xhafer: I'm just saying that, like,

all of IQ keeps rising, right?

682

:

And uh, The reason for that is that the

hundred IQ is like the center, right?

683

:

It's based off of an average and it's

based off of the average American.

684

:

It's supposed to be the hundred IQ.

685

:

That's like how the scale is

written and maintained because of

686

:

course we did that to ourselves.

687

:

And so if everyone else's IQ keeps rising

in other parts of the world, are they

688

:

getting smarter or are we getting dumber?

689

:

Laura: Hm.

690

:

Hmm.

691

:

Xhafer: of those things is happening.

692

:

Laura: There's a lot of places that

speak English in the world that aren't

693

:

the United States, though, so I don't

know that we can throw this all on the

694

:

English speaking world's uh, shoulders.

695

:

Xhafer: That it's very American

of me to do so, and I will

696

:

continue to do so as a white man.

697

:

Laura: ha ha ha ha!

698

:

Ha ha ha

699

:

ha

700

:

ha

701

:

Xhafer: See, the only time I get

to be a white guy is on radio, so,

702

:

know, it's fun that way.

703

:

Definitely not at the airport.

704

:

Ho Oh,

705

:

Ben: Oh, is somebody

about to fly with you?

706

:

Oh boy.

707

:

Laura: Enjoy that random selection, guys!

708

:

Ha ha ha ha ha

709

:

Ben: But this part of the episode makes

me think, Is this a plot device making

710

:

it easier to Maraudee if they are dicks?

711

:

Laura: Oh.

712

:

Yeah.

713

:

Mm

714

:

Ben: if they had shown up and

been like, Hey, so like, this

715

:

guy's like a war criminal, man.

716

:

And like, you're totally

chomping on our vibes.

717

:

And like, this isn't

718

:

Xhafer: You don't even know the

heinous shit that this guy did.

719

:

Fuck this guy.

720

:

You can't, you can't like this guy.

721

:

He's, he's the war crime guy.

722

:

Ben: we'll send some guys over.

723

:

We heard about what happened to you.

724

:

And like, we'll send some doctors.

725

:

Like, we're chill, we're

cool, we're the Marathi.

726

:

Come on!

727

:

You

728

:

know, they have to be dicks.

729

:

Xhafer: We'll help you with,

we'll help you with the cure.

730

:

We'll give you all of our

medical records for free.

731

:

Don't even worry about it.

732

:

They know what's on the fucking drive.

733

:

Then we don't know what's on the drive.

734

:

Gideon doesn't know what's on the drive.

735

:

They know what's on the drive.

736

:

And they could just be all like, Oh,

well you were interested in this because

737

:

you need help with medical research?

738

:

We will give you X amount of medical

records that don't involve our personal,

739

:

like, racist genome so you can't

build a biological weapon against us.

740

:

You can just have all of it.

741

:

Episode over!

742

:

And I'm out!

743

:

I mean, not necessarily more helpful,

that's the point of the episode.

744

:

But definitely more in

line with Gideon's goals.

745

:

ha

746

:

ha ha

747

:

Ben: Now it's your fare.

748

:

Would you like all of the medical

information that the first minister and

749

:

the translator are willing to give you?

750

:

Would you like the mystery box?

751

:

Laura: Mystery

752

:

Xhafer: change the ba Always

change the door, right?

753

:

That's the thing

754

:

on,

755

:

Ben: Yes.

756

:

Xhafer: what's that game show?

757

:

Ben: uh, Let's make a deal.

758

:

Xhafer: Let's make a deal.

759

:

Yeah, you always pick the, the,

when they offer you the other doors.

760

:

Statistically, it is always

the option to choose.

761

:

Laura: Hmm,

762

:

Xhafer: Because you don't get

offered it if you got the jackpot.

763

:

So, you go from having a median goal to

having a 50 50 and hitting the jackpot.

764

:

Like, you always take it.

765

:

It's a 50

766

:

50

767

:

chance, Ben.

768

:

Either you will or you won't.

769

:

That's

770

:

Laura: so they call their prime

minister guy the a priori.

771

:

Did you guys catch that?

772

:

Ben: Mm hmm.

773

:

A priori

774

:

Laura: Yeah.

775

:

A priori is a phrase or a word meaning

relating to or denoting reasoning

776

:

or knowledge, which proceeds from

theoretical deduction rather than

777

:

from observation or experience.

778

:

Xhafer: Huh.

779

:

Laura: So I thought that was interesting

that we would call this guy that.

780

:

Xhafer: Yeah, that is interesting.

781

:

That's interesting.

782

:

Laura: I feel like it's a JMS,

little like winky, winky face.

783

:

At

784

:

Xhafer: He

785

:

Laura: something.

786

:

Yeah.

787

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

788

:

Uh, They start to negotiate when a bunch

of other Marauding Warships show up.

789

:

And Max is like, is this

fucking worth it guys?

790

:

Laura: he's back

791

:

with more opinions.

792

:

Ben: Yeah,

793

:

is this worth killing or dying for?

794

:

And Gideon's like, Yes, evil Tesh, yes it

795

:

is.

796

:

Xhafer: I can't help but notice

they haven't asked the Mirati for

797

:

what they want at this point, still.

798

:

Laura: Oh,

799

:

Xhafer: It's like, how hard would it be to

be like, Oh, well, we've got this stuff,

800

:

and this is what we're looking for, So,

if you're willing to give us that little

801

:

bit, We don't care about the rest of

the information that's on those things.

802

:

Laura: Yeah.

803

:

Xhafer: And we can just

call it a day, y'all.

804

:

Laura: Yeah, Gideon's not gonna do that.

805

:

Xhafer: Nope.

806

:

Nectalk is Digging around here.

807

:

Laura: guys, guess what?

808

:

Xhafer: It's Lockley's first appearance.

809

:

Laura: Yeah, we are what,

five episodes into the show?

810

:

Six?

811

:

No, five.

812

:

Into the show.

813

:

And we get kinda Lockley, so

Lockley Watch is still on.

814

:

We still have to keep going, but

815

:

Xhafer: What the fuck is her

personal log doing on a crystal

816

:

out in the middle of wherever?

817

:

There's this med lab still?

818

:

Like, what the actual fuck?

819

:

How does that make any sense whatsoever?

820

:

Laura: The only thing I can think of is

this means cause we're out, this is what?

821

:

Episode twelve or eleven or twelve?

822

:

And we're watching out of order.

823

:

So there's got to be a scene where they

go to Babylon 5 and somebody palms a

824

:

crystal from Lockley's office, right?

825

:

Be on the

826

:

lookout.

827

:

As

828

:

Ben: about it, I can get past Alan.

829

:

Xhafer: Done this

before, I'll do it again.

830

:

Oh, it's just, it's so crazy that

Lockley's personal log is just like

831

:

sitting on board the ship to me.

832

:

Ben: Well, and also it's, he's got

two crystals, Lockley's uh, captain's

833

:

logs, and public domain music.

834

:

Xhafer: Uh, Yeah, he finds some Mozart and

it's just like changed forever, you know?

835

:

Laura: you are when you hear

Mozart for the first time.

836

:

Yeah, yeah.

837

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

838

:

He agrees to copy over

everything after hearing Mozart.

839

:

He's like, okay, these people

have art, so they, I get it now.

840

:

Ben: Now, I'm just gonna ask.

841

:

What would have been the

worst thing for him to find?

842

:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You,

843

:

your art is so beautiful!

844

:

Laura: See another missed opportunity

for this to come up again.

845

:

I needed it to come up again.

846

:

Xhafer: Nektar gets on the

autopilot shuttle and the Mirati

847

:

just blow it up and then peace out.

848

:

Ben: Well, before that

he copies everything.

849

:

Xhafer: Yeah, he copies over the goods.

850

:

And then gets killed.

851

:

Laura: Yeah.

852

:

He gives it

853

:

to Gideon.

854

:

Xhafer: We find out the crystals contain

all of the collected art of their

855

:

people And his art is just libtards

masturbating and we're too fascist for

856

:

that That's what he's willing to die for

857

:

Laura: Yeah.

858

:

He gives a good little,

like, monologue and speech

859

:

about, you know, saving these things and

giving them to somewhere safe, you know?

860

:

Xhafer: yeah, maybe one day my people will

want this back and not know what they've

861

:

lost You know, you can hope for that.

862

:

Dr.

863

:

Chamber is just in awe of the art she

said it's the art of hope and Earth needs

864

:

hope right now just as much as science.

865

:

Gideon is unmoved and rude as hell.

866

:

He's just kind of a dick

here about the whole thing.

867

:

Just like, I risked my life for art?

868

:

It's all like an entire

society's worth of art.

869

:

I mean, like, I know it wasn't

what you were expecting, but

870

:

it's also by no means worthless.

871

:

Laura: right.

872

:

Ben: Is there any Murati hair metal?

873

:

No.

874

:

Well

875

:

Laura: like, there was a non zero

chance that this was all going

876

:

to be garbage anyway, Gideon.

877

:

You had to have like, wrestled with

that a little bit before you made the

878

:

Xhafer: Yeah,

879

:

Laura: right?

880

:

Xhafer: not everything was

always going to be awesome.

881

:

In fact, historically speaking on

this show, it's always worthless.

882

:

This has been the most worthwhile

thing you've found so far.

883

:

Laura: No,

884

:

no,

885

:

Xhafer: maybe those, those, nanomachines

that let you be on earth for two days.

886

:

Laura: You are forgetting the apocalypse

box, Jaffer, and I will not have it.

887

:

This will not stand.

888

:

Xhafer: We don't even know what it is yet!

889

:

Laura: It's a fucking

great box is what it is.

890

:

Xhafer: It's a box within a

box that talks to you, Ben.

891

:

You might have missed that bit.

892

:

Ben: That hasn't ha yeah that

episode hasn't come out yet.

893

:

Xhafer: Yeah, don't worry, we don't

understand anything yet either.

894

:

Matheson records a diary entry.

895

:

He knew they were lying and didn't

stop it, so like, he's Jesus now?

896

:

Ben: Well, no, he's

897

:

Xhafer: Well, not, Noctuck

is Jesus now, yeah.

898

:

Yeah, he's got some personal turmoil.

899

:

Here.

900

:

Laura: not, I

901

:

don't hate this.

902

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

903

:

No, no, no.

904

:

It's, it's, it's an interesting

theological question.

905

:

Do you prevent the crucifixion?

906

:

Like, I mean, it's not really

my conversation to have, but I

907

:

mean, you guys can feel free.

908

:

Ben: Well, and I also noticed, like,

right after a really bad Gideon speech,

909

:

I thought this was a really good one.

910

:

Laura: yeah.

911

:

I.

912

:

And I, I don't hate it because I

really did want some more of the, like,

913

:

telepath issues to come up, and, okay,

this is kind of an afterthought for

914

:

me at the end of this episode, and,

you know, it is a little bit of a, a,

915

:

overly dramatic monologue for me, and

that, just that, like, we're, we're

916

:

throwing this emotion in here when

we've not even really grappled much

917

:

with Matheson yet at all but, yeah,

like, what, what's the telepath to do

918

:

when he's placed in, a situation where

somebody's just beaming their thoughts

919

:

directly in your head, practically, and

it can affect people around him that

920

:

he he

921

:

could do

922

:

something for them.

923

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

924

:

I mean, Talia saved Jakar's

925

:

life.

926

:

Laura: So, I don't know.

927

:

I wanted to hear more about how

telepaths integrate into this new

928

:

society and this new earth force and

this is kind of scraping that surface.

929

:

I hope we get a little more though.

930

:

This can't be

931

:

Xhafer: I mean, I like it.

932

:

Yeah.

933

:

I hope not.

934

:

I like it a lot more than 95 year

old best or fuckin 30 year olds.

935

:

Ben: But what I really liked here was the

dichotomy of Gideon in this whole episode

936

:

is very much the ends justify the means,

937

:

Laura: Uh

938

:

Xhafer: Mhm.

939

:

Ben: I will do anything, and it

doesn't matter if the ends are

940

:

actually what I wanted them to be.

941

:

I will have already broken every rule.

942

:

I will already have you know,

assaulted random people blown up

943

:

buildings breaking and entering,

possibly starting an interstellar war.

944

:

I don't care.

945

:

This might be useful.

946

:

Xhafer: Mhm.

947

:

Ben: as NotChalk is very much

the means justify the ends,

948

:

I am doing what is right.

949

:

And how it turns out, it turns out

which is a philosophy I try to ascribe

950

:

to that it doesn't matter if if it's

going to lead me into a place where

951

:

these jerkoffs are going to blow me

up, I'm going to do the right thing and

952

:

uh, I'm going to get the the past of my

people to some place where it might be

953

:

safeguarded and how I'm doing it is more

important than how this ends up for me.

954

:

Xhafer: And that's, that's a very

important point to consider, Ben,

955

:

and I do understand and empathize.

956

:

And then we get a sample

of what that art is.

957

:

Because Gideon goes back to Med Lab,

grabs a crystal, goes to Darina's,

958

:

puts it in her Walkman, and hits play.

959

:

Okay, okay, no, but really though,

then he actually hits play.

960

:

Laura: no, no, no, it's not actually that.

961

:

Ben: no actually, it's this.

962

:

Xhafer: And that's the episode.

963

:

We just get that to theme.

964

:

Ben: Yeah and then Gideon

walks down the hallway to the

965

:

pan flute of I'm Not Chakotay.

966

:

Xhafer: Akuchi Moya, yo.

967

:

Laura: The, the music is just, I

don't know, I don't want to rag on Mr.

968

:

Chen, but like, the aesthetic

is not right for this show.

969

:

Like, I understand a, like, sort of a non

Western music, we want to have some more

970

:

ethereal vibes and stuff, but boy, it's

971

:

Xhafer: Yeah.

972

:

Laura: for the show.

973

:

Xhafer: If Christophe Frank didn't go so

fucking hard on all of the B5 soundtrack I

974

:

might be able, I might be more forgiving.

975

:

But having had the show previous

have such good fucking music for so

976

:

many seasons, once you got past the

first episode playing the same song

977

:

16 times, and you actually gave him

time to compose more than one piece

978

:

it's just so fucking soul wrenching

to hear fucking shitty, I don't even

979

:

want to say EDM, it's just EM just bad.

980

:

Ben: Well, and then you still,

even, even then, you have the

981

:

whole bits where they're like, when

they're walking through the, dust

982

:

cloud, there should be music there.

983

:

Laura: Like,

984

:

drum, something

985

:

to up

986

:

the drama.

987

:

Ben: like, I don't know how

this works scoring a show.

988

:

it might not be his choice.

989

:

They might be like, no, in order

to really get the, the atmosphere,

990

:

we have to hear the atmosphere.

991

:

Just more wind howling.

992

:

But it means that the music is off at

every level, everybody making a decision.

993

:

Laura: You know what this

music actually belonged in?

994

:

If this show was about the Rangers and

had more Mimbari and a white star, I

995

:

could buy off on this music, maybe.

996

:

Xhafer: you know, that's fair.

997

:

I could see that.

998

:

Laura: Mm hmm.

999

:

It needs some more, like, Mimbari

mysticism to, like, back it up.

:

00:50:20,904 --> 00:50:20,994

Mm hmm.

:

00:50:21,196 --> 00:50:21,626

Xhafer: Mm hmm.

:

00:50:22,415 --> 00:50:22,795

All right.

:

00:50:22,795 --> 00:50:28,635

Well speaking of backing it up It's

time to rate this episode on a scale

:

00:50:28,635 --> 00:50:34,612

of one to four main guns firing Ben

as our guest You have first crack at

:

00:50:34,612 --> 00:50:37,536

rating this episode Give me five seasons

:

00:50:37,572 --> 00:50:38,552

Ben: Oh boy.

:

00:50:39,212 --> 00:50:45,352

Um, it's a whole lot of nothing

followed by a incredibly heavy

:

00:50:45,352 --> 00:50:48,334

handed Hey, I'm making a TV show.

:

00:50:48,624 --> 00:50:49,614

Don't you understand?

:

00:50:49,674 --> 00:50:51,344

Art is important!

:

00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:52,179

Laura: Right,

:

00:50:52,354 --> 00:50:52,904

Ben: like,

:

00:50:54,469 --> 00:50:55,599

Xhafer: stop fucking with it.

:

00:50:56,074 --> 00:50:59,530

Ben: or this feels like, don't

you realize that what I'm doing

:

00:50:59,530 --> 00:51:01,540

is actually deeply important?

:

00:51:02,170 --> 00:51:08,755

Either dad, or ex wife, or

somebody uh, this is one.

:

00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:15,520

If, I don't know, I don't know if you

guys have broken down partial, like,

:

00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,560

If this could be a misfire, this is

:

00:51:17,625 --> 00:51:18,755

Xhafer: Ooh,

:

00:51:19,513 --> 00:51:20,353

Laura: Yeah, we

:

00:51:20,508 --> 00:51:21,928

Xhafer: I'll add Misfire to the scale.

:

00:51:21,958 --> 00:51:22,998

Yeah, that seems fair.

:

00:51:23,561 --> 00:51:24,331

I'm here for that.

:

00:51:25,043 --> 00:51:25,283

How about

:

00:51:25,283 --> 00:51:25,403

you,

:

00:51:25,403 --> 00:51:25,743

Laura?

:

00:51:26,727 --> 00:51:30,794

Laura: So, you know, I ended the last

episode with uh, this is a spoiler

:

00:51:30,794 --> 00:51:34,665

for you Ben, since you haven't heard

it yet, but four main guns firing

:

00:51:34,665 --> 00:51:40,485

because of the just absolute bizarre

weirdness of the end that made me cackle.

:

00:51:40,485 --> 00:51:42,455

This is,

:

00:51:42,455 --> 00:51:43,440

uh,

:

00:51:43,695 --> 00:51:44,075

Ben: for you,

:

00:51:44,630 --> 00:51:47,980

Laura: This bizarre weirdness hit

me right at the top when we're

:

00:51:47,980 --> 00:51:53,230

watching space alien porn in the

office and critiquing it together.

:

00:51:53,390 --> 00:51:53,890

Like,

:

00:51:55,730 --> 00:51:56,560

Xhafer: so weird.

:

00:51:59,639 --> 00:52:03,489

Laura: main guns just because that

was hilarious and I couldn't wait

:

00:52:03,489 --> 00:52:04,929

to talk to my friends about it.

:

00:52:09,909 --> 00:52:13,289

Xhafer: I feel neither way

about this, this episode.

:

00:52:13,289 --> 00:52:13,309

it

:

00:52:13,309 --> 00:52:15,289

it was awkward.

:

00:52:15,289 --> 00:52:18,619

I, it, I mean, Ben

called it the beginning.

:

00:52:18,619 --> 00:52:21,369

It's five pounds of

episode in a 10 pound bag.

:

00:52:21,369 --> 00:52:21,879

Okay.

:

00:52:22,129 --> 00:52:22,789

Laura: for real.

:

00:52:23,954 --> 00:52:27,824

Xhafer: It was just not

particularly enjoyable.

:

00:52:27,854 --> 00:52:30,434

Like, I enjoyed this

conversation significantly.

:

00:52:30,934 --> 00:52:34,419

But watching the episode was just not fun.

:

00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:35,669

Good.

:

00:52:35,679 --> 00:52:36,549

It was not fun.

:

00:52:36,739 --> 00:52:40,429

I, I mean even like the little bits

at the beginning, like where they

:

00:52:40,429 --> 00:52:43,459

both turn their head at the same

time at the weird porn, and then all

:

00:52:43,459 --> 00:52:45,359

the aliens do it later and stuff.

:

00:52:45,799 --> 00:52:52,589

Like, that's a fun little reoccurring bit,

but could you done it with anything else?

:

00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:56,149

I mean, like, I, I'm not a prude.

:

00:52:57,549 --> 00:53:00,679

Um, you know, it's just

:

00:53:00,764 --> 00:53:01,234

Laura: approved.

:

00:53:01,939 --> 00:53:09,234

Xhafer: famously not a prude and it's

just like, I, I just, I don't know.

:

00:53:09,234 --> 00:53:15,274

It just seems like it was weirdly

like alien body shaming to me is how

:

00:53:15,274 --> 00:53:19,494

it all comes off where they're just

like the Pac Mara is like in this

:

00:53:19,534 --> 00:53:22,694

like, I don't know how much of that

was like their skin and how much of

:

00:53:22,694 --> 00:53:25,784

it was like a weird like sex outfit.

:

00:53:25,944 --> 00:53:28,314

Um, if it was like bondage gear,

:

00:53:28,454 --> 00:53:30,914

Laura: Oh, Pac Mara sex outfit.

:

00:53:31,144 --> 00:53:32,184

Xhafer: new name of our punk band.

:

00:53:32,194 --> 00:53:35,519

Um, But it was just like, I don't know.

:

00:53:35,539 --> 00:53:37,509

It just didn't hit for me at any point.

:

00:53:37,539 --> 00:53:42,179

If they had committed to the bit

a little bit more, I could have

:

00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:48,329

dug in, but they just skimmed the

surface just enough for me to go

:

00:53:48,679 --> 00:53:50,639

do more with it or do less with it.

:

00:53:51,479 --> 00:53:54,869

I find this annoying and not a fun way.

:

00:53:55,340 --> 00:54:01,230

Laura: may I offer another support

for your opinion in that, you

:

00:54:01,230 --> 00:54:05,990

know, what one of the things

that you have said before on.

:

00:54:06,465 --> 00:54:13,295

a factor that factors into your rating

of the episode is whether you could have

:

00:54:13,295 --> 00:54:15,465

fixed something with one line of dialogue.

:

00:54:15,715 --> 00:54:16,195

Xhafer: Yes.

:

00:54:16,785 --> 00:54:22,845

Laura: And I believe that if we had fixed

the Marathi setup with a little bit of

:

00:54:22,845 --> 00:54:28,155

dialogue about they're so reclusive,

we don't know how advanced they are,

:

00:54:28,605 --> 00:54:34,955

we know they're, very isolationist,

and they have this kind of technology.

:

00:54:35,365 --> 00:54:38,525

Like, if they just said a little

bit about that, that would have made

:

00:54:38,525 --> 00:54:43,285

the Miratis appearance in hyperspace

a little bit more believable.

:

00:54:44,287 --> 00:54:45,157

Xhafer: Yeah, for sure.

:

00:54:45,677 --> 00:54:46,967

I can dock a point for that.

:

00:54:46,967 --> 00:54:47,237

Yeah.

:

00:54:47,422 --> 00:54:53,712

Ben: in that same vein, If Chambers came

into Gideon's office and was like, Hey, I

:

00:54:53,712 --> 00:55:00,137

heard you found Eilerson's weird porn, And

was just like, Hey, this is a fun thing

:

00:55:00,137 --> 00:55:06,247

we're doing as this guy's kind of, like,

superiors of this guy who's a douche.

:

00:55:06,617 --> 00:55:11,447

You know, hey, okay, now it's a fun

thing instead of an HR nightmare.

:

00:55:11,727 --> 00:55:15,437

Laura: Yeah, instead of ambushing

your subordinate with porn.

:

00:55:16,672 --> 00:55:20,902

Xhafer: an ounce of consent

would have been worth a mile

:

00:55:20,932 --> 00:55:22,792

of runway for this episode.

:

00:55:23,562 --> 00:55:24,402

Truly.

:

00:55:24,687 --> 00:55:24,917

Laura: So

:

00:55:24,917 --> 00:55:25,907

what was your rating?

:

00:55:26,292 --> 00:55:29,982

Xhafer: I'm gonna say one

main gun out of four firing.

:

00:55:30,997 --> 00:55:34,707

Ben: I have a question for those,

for you guys, since you have seen,

:

00:55:34,747 --> 00:55:36,868

uh, Chambers more than I have.

:

00:55:37,318 --> 00:55:39,118

Laura: Oh, I don't know

that we have, but okay.

:

00:55:40,058 --> 00:55:41,458

Ben: Is this your first time seeing them?

:

00:55:41,953 --> 00:55:42,493

Laura: Oh, no, no.

:

00:55:42,493 --> 00:55:46,273

We've seen Chambers, but it's taken me,

like, four episodes to remember her name.

:

00:55:46,850 --> 00:55:51,585

Ben: Does, does it feel like

Everything they said this episode

:

00:55:51,585 --> 00:55:53,545

could have just been given to Franklin.

:

00:55:54,554 --> 00:55:55,124

Laura: Mm.

:

00:55:55,184 --> 00:55:56,234

Ben: it feels kind of like they're

:

00:55:56,364 --> 00:55:56,764

Xhafer: yeah.

:

00:55:56,924 --> 00:55:57,574

Ben: Doctor.

:

00:55:58,221 --> 00:55:58,611

Laura: Yeah.

:

00:55:58,731 --> 00:55:59,481

Ja'far and I just

:

00:55:59,481 --> 00:55:59,841

Xhafer: Yeah.

:

00:55:59,861 --> 00:56:01,511

Laura: same thoughtful head tilt.

:

00:56:02,271 --> 00:56:06,281

Ben: They did the simultaneous head tilt

just like they're watching alien porn.

:

00:56:06,611 --> 00:56:07,521

Xhafer: That's fair, Ben.

:

00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:08,691

That's a fair criticism.

:

00:56:09,421 --> 00:56:09,761

Dr.

:

00:56:09,761 --> 00:56:12,571

Chambers doesn't really feel

like a distinct character.

:

00:56:13,116 --> 00:56:13,706

Laura: Yeah.

:

00:56:13,905 --> 00:56:18,915

Xhafer: They have, like, two things about

them, and they could very easily be Dr.

:

00:56:18,915 --> 00:56:19,805

Franklin things.

:

00:56:20,135 --> 00:56:22,255

It's like, oh, my sister

is trapped on Earth.

:

00:56:22,805 --> 00:56:24,655

Okay, that says, says Dr.

:

00:56:24,655 --> 00:56:25,175

Franklin's.

:

00:56:25,885 --> 00:56:27,241

Uh, Fair.

:

00:56:28,121 --> 00:56:33,461

You know, it's just, it's a bit much, and

by a bit much I mean not nearly enough.

:

00:56:33,921 --> 00:56:34,311

Laura: Right.

:

00:56:34,461 --> 00:56:34,801

Right.

:

00:56:35,131 --> 00:56:39,361

Leaning hard into the same stuff

that like, recycling your same

:

00:56:39,361 --> 00:56:40,801

stuff that's already worked.

:

00:56:41,101 --> 00:56:42,541

Is there a term for this?

:

00:56:43,451 --> 00:56:44,401

It kind of reminds me of

:

00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:44,701

like,

:

00:56:44,741 --> 00:56:45,051

I

:

00:56:45,096 --> 00:56:45,576

Ben: the well.

:

00:56:46,151 --> 00:56:50,941

Laura: Well, I heard Ben talking on

on last time on about flanderization,

:

00:56:50,941 --> 00:56:52,731

and it's kind of like that for me.

:

00:56:53,221 --> 00:56:55,881

It's like we flanderized

the doctor character.

:

00:56:56,290 --> 00:57:00,350

just with the standard doctor tropes

and doctor things that doctors say.

:

00:57:02,431 --> 00:57:02,741

Xhafer: Yeah.

:

00:57:03,185 --> 00:57:03,715

All right.

:

00:57:03,735 --> 00:57:04,955

Well, that's an episode.

:

00:57:05,495 --> 00:57:06,705

We got another one next week.

:

00:57:06,735 --> 00:57:09,637

We got episode 9 racing the night.

:

00:57:09,992 --> 00:57:16,592

Gideon and crew find themselves trapped

by an alien civilization using sinister

:

00:57:16,592 --> 00:57:20,772

methods to seek a cure for the same

drach virus that attacked Earth.

:

00:57:21,432 --> 00:57:22,292

Laura: Hmm.

:

00:57:22,879 --> 00:57:26,036

Xhafer: Yeah, so we'll be

back with that one next week.

:

00:57:26,416 --> 00:57:27,716

But before we're back with that.

:

00:57:28,406 --> 00:57:30,246

We do have a couple of

thank yous to say out.

:

00:57:30,326 --> 00:57:36,386

Hey, Jeremy, Jeremy Siegel, the

Jeremy Siegel 42 at the band camp.

:

00:57:37,146 --> 00:57:38,956

We really appreciate you

writing our theme music.

:

00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:39,936

Thank you so much for that.

:

00:57:40,516 --> 00:57:43,886

You can find more of Jeremy's work on

streaming services as Nuclear Jaguar.

:

00:57:44,495 --> 00:57:46,775

Laura: And thank you to Angry

Duck Time Machine on Instagram

:

00:57:46,785 --> 00:57:47,965

for our podcast artwork.

:

00:57:48,449 --> 00:57:52,319

Xhafer: Aaron, once again, I'm so sorry.

:

00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:58,549

I know I put a lot of work on you

in about three minutes of recording.

:

00:57:59,189 --> 00:58:00,579

And I recognize that.

:

00:58:00,579 --> 00:58:01,489

And I recognize that.

:

00:58:01,489 --> 00:58:02,979

And all the other hard work that you do.

:

00:58:03,524 --> 00:58:04,684

To make Laura

:

00:58:04,734 --> 00:58:05,464

Ben: The

:

00:58:07,784 --> 00:58:12,654

Xhafer: and, and I, and occasionally

Ben sound like coherent individuals with

:

00:58:12,654 --> 00:58:17,494

full thoughts instead of the rambling

nincompoops that we tend to be in reality.

:

00:58:17,504 --> 00:58:19,014

So thank you so much for that.

:

00:58:19,014 --> 00:58:20,034

Really appreciate it.

:

00:58:21,159 --> 00:58:23,719

Laura: Hey, and thanks listener for

sitting through Crusade with us.

:

00:58:23,759 --> 00:58:27,009

I don't know if you're watching along

or not, but I hope that we're giving

:

00:58:27,009 --> 00:58:31,799

you some colorful, fun impressions

of this show with our recaps.

:

00:58:31,859 --> 00:58:36,459

And if you have watched the show, you have

thoughts you want to share, you can always

:

00:58:36,459 --> 00:58:40,379

go to email us at whoareyoub5 at gmail.

:

00:58:40,379 --> 00:58:44,219

com or join our discord where

we're happy to talk about it.

:

00:58:44,471 --> 00:58:44,911

Ben: Discord's

:

00:58:44,911 --> 00:58:45,231

awesome.

:

00:58:45,637 --> 00:58:50,487

Xhafer: Or any of our other shows like

last time on where Ben and Victor from

:

00:58:50,487 --> 00:58:55,577

Domini media television, and I will talk

about TV shows that we haven't seen and

:

00:58:55,587 --> 00:58:58,457

it's Sister podcast yet to air cool girls.

:

00:58:58,457 --> 00:58:59,657

Don't look at explosions

:

00:59:00,247 --> 00:59:00,697

Laura: Yeah.

:

00:59:00,697 --> 00:59:01,057

Okay.

:

00:59:01,057 --> 00:59:01,072

Bye.

:

00:59:01,637 --> 00:59:05,837

Xhafer: Yeah, and then some other

stuff that's on its way to fun stuff.

:

00:59:06,337 --> 00:59:07,817

We'll see you next week internet

:

00:59:08,312 --> 00:59:09,122

Laura: Bye.

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About the Podcast

Who Are You?
A Babylon 5 Watchcast
Join Laura and Xhafer, two internet strangers as they get to know each other while making jokes about one of their favorite TV shows from their childhood, Babylon 5.